What if he comes back into your soul less life after so long?
The times when you live in solitude just to forget him. The times when you go clubbing just trying to dance him out of your thoughts. The times when you tried getting drunk alone at home. The times when you stare out of the window thinking how great it would be if you're dead. Living in self denial..
Lost faith in love. Lost interest in love. Lost everything that was once dear to you, in just one night. Just when I thought he was out of my life, he came back with a sms saying he's single now. Why..? What does he want now..? What is there left to break now? The broken pieces of my heart which I never wanted to pick up again. The love that I never wish to touch again.
The wall which i built up to protect myself. My self defense mechanism to prevent getting hurt again. Afriad to love, afriad of getting hurt. Just a empty body without a soul. Just someone in this world wishing nothing more than death.
Love is just a feeling, like all feelings, it diminish with time. Why does two people want to get together only to get hurt in the end. Ever since the day my shatter heart pieces touches the floor, I thought I could never love again. But what is this feeling when i saw his sms. Why do I love him so much? Why am I tearing now when I thought I have no emotions left? Why does he have to come back?
What if you HAVE to break up with him? Which do you think feels worst? Waking up one fine day just to realise you were the third party. All your life just crumble down in that instant second. The world seems to stop, the heart seems to freeze. Every breath you take feels like fire in your lungs. Everything you sees turn into black and white.
I couldn't believe it when I found out he has been attached for 8 mths. And I'm just one of his fling. I dunno who feels hurt more, his bf whom is a fren of my fren, or me. That was the time i truely felt life has no more meaning at all. I tried to hate him, but the more i try, the more i realised i can't. I just can't. Maybe I just love him too much.
Now, it has been half a year. I have long consealed my emotions and feelings for anyone. But he appeared again. OF all times.. he came back to tell me he's single now, and he just want to be friend. Ashamed to face me in the past, what gives him the courgae to sms me now? Have he learnt his lessons? Have he changed for the better?
What am I going to do now? You have to bring back all the memories I tried so hard to forget. The feelings I tried so hard to push back. I long for love once again. Someone to be there for me, like you used to do. Someone who can make me cry again in joy. Someone who can make me smile again so naturely. I long to be human again.
I ignored his sms. But I couldn't delete it. Right until the moment when my di asked me why I can't. Maybe I still love him. But what he did is truely unforgivable. He sent me a heart in my fridae.com acct. And I took the time to look at his profile. I'm totally disappointed at him. How could he have said such words? He was the one to blame, yet he put all fault on my friend! I may not know the entire story, and not have the right to judge. But have he thought of how my fren or I felt when we discovered we were having the same bf? Spare a thought for him. You're totally a JERK. I can't believe you have fall so low as you bark back at the one who cared for you so much.
The pain he gone through trying to forgive you for having a fling with me. The pain he have to go through to ignore all the other flings you obviously have! I'm feeling hurt. Feeling hurt for him and you. I can't believe you have fall so low. You, the one who thought me how to love, have to smashed it right in my face. He should have broke up with you right at the moment when I did.
Ok I merely cut and paste this into the blog. Too lazy to retype it. Sorry to have such a heavy subject as my first entry.. oh well..
Anyway this is only a temp blog site. The layout of this site sucks, not to say the functions. Still looking for a decent blog site which I have full control over the layout. Until then, you have to stick to this! BleAh~